I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
