their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
