My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
