...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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