is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
