You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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