I'm so fucking centered right now
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You need a sexual gate keeper
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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