Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The feeling are messing with the penis
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
