I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize