Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
