I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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