She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
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