im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
