OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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