so explain again why im purple
no
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
two words: eviction party
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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