i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
