No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
