Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
