i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
