Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
