she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
