I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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