If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
