Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
