The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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