Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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