That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
