erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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