i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
