i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm at about main and main street
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
