i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize