Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I didn't notice because vodka
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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