I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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