I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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