I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
