And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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