i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
