Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
