there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
