i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
