I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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