they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
