So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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