The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
