Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
