Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
