I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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