Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
