we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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