I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
