You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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