after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
