If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
