I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
