I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
