I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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