Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
