is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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