guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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