You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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