I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
