I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
