He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
