Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
