i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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