apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
